Nothing inspiring going on here...
Just one sick baby and one sick mama trying to low crawl her way through the endless nights and arduous days without losing her sleep deprived mind. I want to cry but I don't have it in me. I'm not kidding. There just aren't any tears to shed because my body is otherwise occupied making other bodily fluids that keep the wee one alive. I'm tapped out.
I'm not going to sleep this year, am I? Just tell me the truth already. I did this once before and don't remember it being this difficult. Why do we suffer memory loss from that first year? Oh, right, to continue the species. I would not be doing this otherwise had I remembered. Or maybe I would have but I would have slept more that year before my pregnancy. And felt less guilty about getting drunk.
I feel so bad for the babe. She's miserable. I can only imagine what it's like for little people. She only has to see me from across the room to feel separation anxiety. Being held by daddy is doing nothing for her. She spots me and it's over. I thought she was going to hyperventilate at 4:30 this morning when I briefly passed her over to him before I literally melted. She just can't handle the two feet between us.
I wish I had more motherliness in me when my baby is sick. On one hand I'm 100% there and on the other...well, not so much. I'm just tired. Did I mention how tired I am? How I haven't slept a straight 5 hour stretch in a very long time? My child is nearing the 6th month mark. Shouldn't I be getting more sleep now?
Okay, I won't bore you any longer with the public pity party I'm having for myself. Babies are cute and mine is one of the cutest in the world......so I'll shut up now.
2 comments:
Complain away hon. I had a post a year ago that was almost word-for-word as yours. Sleep deprivation is so rough. Bf'd babies don't sleep as long as formula babies because it digests more quickly, I wish I had more comforting words for you. Sickness makes her even more needy and I SO hear you on the the whole separation issue...that's so frustrating. It does pass, but it's hard to believe it when you're stuck in the middle of a blurry-eyed fog, but it she will come to want her Daddy too. You just have a well-attached baby and that's such a wonderful testament to your mothering skills...even when you don't feel like a perfect mother. Don't be too hard on yourself, you're doing such a good job with your little peanut and someday you'll be coloring pictures with her and this difficult time will be a faded memory. (((ropa))) I mailed a bit of clothes to S and a Junie B. Jones audio cd yesterday! xo
Aw....Ropa. I wish I had seen this when you first wrote it, so I could have offered more timely encouragement. I guess I lapsed in checking your entries. I hope you're feeling better now, and that this is the last snow of the season!
Love, B
Post a Comment