Perspective

Sometimes you have to step back and look at the whole picture. You have to really look at the heart of the matter and slowly inspect each and every vein, artery and vessel connected to that heart. Upon looking at all those pathways and the journey as a whole you begin to think of your goals on a grander scale. Not just what I want for myself right now but what's best for the long haul for all parties involved.

I came to an abrupt conclusion yesterday while driving home from a short trip to my sister in-law's wedding that my train of thought has been narrow minded. And that weddings totally make me want to shag my husband rotten. Jjust sayin'. However, that wasn't necessarily the epiphany. I've long ago learned that weddings git me loins a stirrin' and often look to crash them whenever possible just to get wedding sex. And don't even try to say it doesn't get your engine going. A girl is a girl is a girl. And girls love weddings.

Anyway.

We were having our regular discussion about the up and coming move. I have always said J should apply for whatever jobs that look promising from Pennsylvania to Maine, but what I really meant was to apply for all those jobs but take the job in Maine. Mostly because I know that the right job there would be fine and I wanted to be close to home. I wouldn't ask for him to take any old job with a dead end; I want more for him than that. My request was to settle there if and only if a job with possibility presented itself regardless of other job offers that may arise. Of course there is always the unspoken exception of that one job anyone could ever possibly want, that paid a salary of ohmyfuckinggodineedtogoshopping.

We have discussed the pros of moving to Maine and know that we would be happy there. We have always accepted that salary would be less but the good outweighed the bad. But honestly, by how much? I love Maine. I love the people there and the simplicity of things and the bright stars yet to be covered by the blanket of tainted air but a voice I have shoved aside time and time again was shouting at me loud and clear yesterday.

"Why are you being so CLOSED MINDED???"

Oh because I want my cozy comforter back dammit!! And I want it back NOW!!

Then the big picture came to mind, or at least a clearer, broader picture that I had been ignoring or only taking small peaks of because I was afraid of what it had to offer. It didn't fit my ideal so I pushed it aside and deemed it not for me. But a voice was always whispering and discussions would take place. We would both quickly dismiss it and conclude that Maine was the obvious choice.

Yesterday, the picture had choices. It had a different places in mind. Places with jobs, jobs and more jobs for J to choose from, schools for me to peruse and perhaps a degree would come about. Great schools for my girls to get a quality education. Colleges close by that would potentially keep them near and dear for years to come (isn't that what we all really want in the end?)

And family.

Not the family I long to be near but family that I love and most importantly, family that loves us. Especially my girls. When I reluctantly take the blinders off and let the full picture come into focus I admit to myself that they love me and accept me in all my county glory. Perhaps long ago they secretly hoped for something different but I believe they have grown to love the girl J chose to share his life with. Me. The never overly flashy, not always so well spoken, sometimes even takes a pee in the woods me. And ALL of my flannel too.

So I'm opening a door a little bit wider and welcoming what life is going to offer us. Because deep down I know I don't have a choice, there are doors that will open and doors that will close. It's best I walk through the open doors and stop knocking on the closed ones. I cannot stop our future from happening but I can look at it with open eyes and enjoy what good things are about to come our way.

And if I do happen to end up where our other family resides....at least I'll have a friend there.