It wasn't so bad.....

turning thirty. I guess when it all comes down to it, the inevitable wrinkles are going to happen, and twenty-nine didn't feel all that much different. I can handle it. Looking back, although I find myself to be extremely insecure, I've handled a lot. We all have our troubles in life. I haven't overcome anything others haven't conquered in their brief thirty years on this earth, but I'd like to think that inspite of it all, I came out victorious. I've done well given my circumstances and culture I came from. Alcoholics and secret predators run rampant throughout my family, those who've come before me have taken years to get through the emotional torment and found a place of happiness, or contentment at least. Those that haven't are living what I'd like to call karma, and appropriately distributed I believe.

I think I've found my path, however sporadic or unstable as my life has been thus far, with all the wrong turns I've made, I'm right where I should be. In the bossom of my family and cherishing in the love we've created. My job is to nourish and care for the seeds I've planted in life and I'm doing that.

Funny thing about the esteem issues I mentioned, as hard as I am on myself, when it comes right down to it I can be proud of who I've become. Have I made my share of blunders and biffed it every now and again? BIG TIME!!! You just can't hold yourself accountable for your entire life. Forgiveness comes so easily when I'm forgiving other people. Forgiving myself could use some focus and attention. I can't hang onto to every bad thing I've allowed myself to do in desparation for acceptance and love. I will always be making new mistakes and will need some room within myself to account for those and correct and fine tune myself along the journey.

So anyway, it wasn't so bad.

The very best part......my heart gave me a necklace that reads, act as if what you do makes a difference. it does.