I'm freaking out

Sunday is my 30th birthday. I've been waiting for this day for the past year. Initially, I believed that turning 30 wouldn't bother me. It's not so much that I'm feeling bad about the new decade approaching, it's just the anticipation of the event that gets ya I think. Being 30 is no different than 29 really. It's just another year and hopefully full of hope and promise.

My twenties are like one big blurry dream. Closely resembling a blackout after a liter of Allen's Coffee Brandy. I left home and joined the Army at 20 years old. I met and married someone before my 22nd birthday, just after turning 24 I had a beautiful daughter. This was a special time for me and quickly passed me by. Before she turned 1 we moved to Pennsylvania, 6 months later we were moving to Maine. Once there, we moved two more times before we were in our first home that was all our own. We lived in this haven for 1 year before deciding to move to New York for my husbands graduate studies. We've been here barely a hair past 1 year and have moved once already since moving here. Luckily this was into our current home, one which I intend on living in at least 4 years. I've never lived in any home this entire decade more than 2 years. No wonder the decade felt so hurried and unstable. Each and every place we journeyed to was by choice, but it sure feels good to let the dust settle on our shoes before up and moving again.

My poor daughter will be traumatized by the time we're finished with all the moving. I know this is not our final destination and already it breaks my heart to think of the strong friendships she'll have. No matter what age you are, each relationship is valuable and important at that time in your life and saying good bye doesn't get easier the more you move and knowing this pain personally makes it even more difficult for me to inflict that loss on her.

Anyway, back to my 30th f'n birthday. I am freaking out and I'm thinking this weekend is going to be a tough one. On a lighter note, I was born on Johnny Cash's birthday, February 26th. I share my birth with the man in bleeping black. So, buck up Ropee, it's go time, put your party dress on and celebrate the rebirth your life is taking at this moment. Embrace your age and relish in all that comes with it, for with every silver hair comes a wisdom you once couldn't fathom. I wouldn't trade this for a million and one winning lottery tickets. Oh well, can't escape it, or cheat the system, might as well just sit back and enjoy the ride.