Significance of a Mommy

I am a stay at home Mother.....my existence is filled with cookie dough, baths, laundry and repairing boo boo's. Oh, there is more to my life than just scrapes and burnt cookies I guess. I also clean, take care of two other children for extra money, participate in events at school etc, etc....

I guess my question of the day is this. Why is it that this particular job makes a woman feel useless? Back in the day women didn't do anything but this. It's a thankless job, with no paid vacations or sick days. There is no start or finish, 7 days a week, work your fingers to the bone, hurry up with dinner already, "wanna do it" kinda job. If I do so much and I'm so valuable to the family why does it feel like I have accomplished nothing and will never be more than a maid doing my families bidding?

I hate the stigma attached to women who sacrifice their chance at a rewarding career to stay at home and raise their families. Is it assumed that our days are filled with soap operas and ice cream. Well.....you know what they say about assuming. Since it's not a glorified occupation a lot of women get lost and often feel like they aren't contributing. When I sit and think on all the things I accomplish in the course of a day I realize and acknowledge exactly what it is that I'm doing. All cleaning buckets and rubber gloves aside, I focus on what is done to ensure that my daugther is raised with values, goals, empathy for others, what it means to sacrifice one's self in order to better someone with less, or more if need be. I will always share my triumphs, my mistakes and all I have inside of me to arm her with the knowledge she needs to find contentment and happiness inspite of the harsh reality life brings to each and every one of us as we step out of the sheltered womb of childhood.

I question myself daily on the significance of my role. I wait to turn 30 and reflect on the woman I've grown into. I wonder what my life purpose is, when I am going to find what it is I need to accomplish, what was meant for me from the beginning. Through this thought process it occured to me. I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Children aren't something we just have because it's what most normal folk do. It's a commitment that we've made and I am doing it the way I think is best. I was given a gift and I'm cherishing her for every moment that it's worth. For every tear I wipe I get 5 smiles that make my heart melt. Everytime I apply a band aide to cut, big or small, I get a hug. Every meal I create I get "you're the best cooker ever!" (ok...not every meal!! hee hee) It may be a thankless job with no materialistic value placed upon it, but it's worth it.....every darn minute. When I think about all she'll accomplish in life I can be happy and know that I played a part in who she is, I molded her and cared for her and so many lives will be touched because of her.

I see myself in her, I see the little girl I was at one time. I wonder if life would have been different for me, where I'd be right now. I will not be one of those women who live their own dreams through their children but I can't help but think she has a fighting chance, a foundation I never had. Her dreams can be the reality I just couldn't/haven't quite grasped. Perhaps my healing will come through this little girl. I can share in her childhood and patch my own scars and let the past remain in the past and relish the present and hope for the future. Live in the moment.