Something worth mentioning!

What a great day I have had today, so much so that I just want to write about it. Make it a memory to look back onto maybe or just saying it out loud makes me appreciate each detail more.

It started out like any other day, alarm clock buzzing my head off. Or actually my body naturally wakes up a few minutes before the alarm but I laze in an out for about 30 minutes. Imagine that? I don't have a lot of those moments so I really enjoy that time to myself.

After that, I wake Sydney up, she hops out of bed every day a little groggy but always in a pleasant mood and happy to tackle the day. Um, thank you? I know she'll be a teenager soon but so far she's a great kid who tests her parents boundaries only so far and is not inclined to really take them to any real limit before she retreats. THANK YOU!!!

Then, I ate my favorite breakfast, english muffin, pb and banana. Soooo yummy and filling. Still no internet to keep me occupied while I eat so I had to enjoy my meal in the living room by the wood stove. Bummer....

Daycare kids arrived, coffee was poured and the morning swing had begun. Still no internet. Guess I'm not logging onto Spark, oh well...moving on. Emily had school this morning so we got ready for that and just hung out until the bus picked the big kids up at 7:45. Then, the girls and I loaded in the van to head to school.

While getting ready I had the bright idea to see if Abby wanted to stay and play at my friend's house this morning while Emily was in school. She said yes! I picked up my friend's daughter for school and dropped Abby off with her little crew. We trade with each other weekly. Sure makes day appointments and treats like a lunch date with Jamie happen a lot easier, it works well for both of us. So...a few gorgeous and well deserved hours all to myself!

I get home, still no internet. Okay, no time wasted there...I'm loving that!

No treadmill running today was my first treat, complete with a new running route to make it interesting. I didn't even bring my shuffle, just me, the cars(they motivate me), and the fresh air. It was great - just a bit over three miles and it felt fantastic! I think I like pre-winter running best, it's chilly, which motivates me to go faster. That cool air glides into my body and I could go on forever and ever and just feel great the whole time. I pushed hard today, it was awesome.

What, no internet?

Then a shower. Uninterrupted, with no one waiting for me, just a hot shower for as long as I wanted. I scrubbed some Wen into my crazy curls and enjoyed the heat after the chilly run. Another perfect 20 mintes, I lingered and just relaxed. It was soo nice.

No internet :)

I had a good hour after left to moisturize and groom a little bit. My fingernails were looking pretty glum and my eyebrows a little furry...I'm loving this extra time today! Pure heaven....well, not the plucking part but now it's done!

The kids are home now from half day of school and they're all playing nicely, some Wii, some dolls, some watching tv lazily in their room. I can't really ask for a better Thursday, tonight I have a sculpt/core/cardio class for an hour with some other strong women and then Grey's Anatomy.

Internet is working beautifully :)

A wonderful threshold to Friday - I'm looking forward to this weekend. Quiet family time with Jamie and the girls. Maybe a babysitter to catch the new Harry Potter flick with Sydney and Jamie. Running - last few days in my challenge. Today marked 78 miles, so that makes four days? I am losing track. Wow!

I leave on Wednesday to see my Mom for three days and I am going sans family. Just me, myself and I and no one to mom, mom, mommy me to death. I can hardly wait to come home to my babies but seeing my mom is going to be special. I want to write something amazing for her, I have ideas, just haven't had the inspiration to sit down just yet. I'm hoping my visit gets the wheels churning.

So a great day, right? And it's only half over. Sheeeyah!

Phew!

I'm on day 24 of 30. Another three mile run lies ahead of me this morning and I'm not loving that. My knee is a little bit sore but I'm doing okay. Last night I hit a Zumba class for something different and Thursday there's a core/sculpting class I attend. Oh, and I joined SparkPeople! A website designed to help you reach your goals, I'm using it for the food tracker mostly and it's been soooo dang helpful. I'm starting to see the last few pounds slowly melt away - this is where I've gotten several times only to get burned out with the intensity of it. I'm focused right now though and may continue this running challenge or do weekly challenges of runs and videos to keep my body guessing. I just have to workout every day for 30 minutes and push myself in that time.

It may sound absurd that I would want to shave off a few more pounds but for me it's really important. I'm not sure exactly why, only that I feel better when my body looks good and I've worked so dang hard for two years it'd be a shame to not push that last bit to get myself in the best shape I've ever been in. The awesomeness that is Spark is that I can eat what I want but there are limitations set. When you don't write down what you're eating it's very easy to get off balance and stuff way more into that hole than you need to. Or at least for me it is. If I have to write it down I'm probably not going to eat it if it's not a nutritious choice. I'll admit I've cheated some but life is for living too. I've got a pretty clear head about what I can enjoy and what I have to set aside and have less often. And also about balance and being happy. I feel happy because I'm in control of my choices and my fitness levels. Happy, not obsessive. There's definitely a difference.

So....72 miles in - the home stretch is here and yet today feels so hard for some reason. I'll be on the treadmill soon and the running will be great, especially afterward. Lately, the running is easier than actually getting started. Funny....
Oh and what's really exciting is that I've shaved 3 MINUTES off my 3 mile run. I was always right around 29-30 minutes because I let myself work only soooo hard. Yesterday, I ran that bastard in 25:28 and it felt amazing and also a little bit painful. :)

On turning four and other things...

Emily! What a great birthday this year has been for her. So many mini celebrations with school and friends, today was her party for one last hoorah! Good bye toddlerhood, hello whatever it is that four year olds are. Because I'll be honest, she's still throwing a considerable amount of tantrums for turning four but I guess we're taking baby steps.

She's not all naughty. I have a sweet, caring and genuine young lady close to my heart and I know that she's going to turn out okay as long as I can keep figuring her out. These days I'm getting better. Today was great for example. She shared her presents with her friends, she gave me a really big hug and told me how happy she was and gave me a heart felt Thank You which in my opinion is pretty tight coming from a new four year old. Those are my moments validating that I'm doing an okay job.

In other news! I've been religiously taking care of my fitness for almost two years but have only really been pushing limits lately. Running is a painful for me to do and all I was doing was jogging and logging. I didn't let myself hurt for very long before I'd ease up the pace where I was comfortable. These days I'm running faster than ever (for me) and I'm feeling pretty good about it. I set a challenge for myself this month to run 3 miles a day for 30 days. At first I toyed with it because it scared me. I tend to fall into things and test the water a few days before I commit to anything. This afternoon I finished my 14th day with 42 miles logged for two weeks of running. I'm still a long way off from the end but I'm taking one day's challenge at a time and not asking anything else of myself. One run at a time will eventually equal the 90 miles after 30 of them.

November already, this year is almost over, a drop in the bucket now. I can't seem to remember any other time in my life where the minutes seem to be racing right along and begging me to keep up. Life is too damn short.

Less than three weeks and I go see mom. Keep this in your happy place in thought land for me if you can. Send me some peace and strength. I'm going to really need it. I have missed her so much but I'm scared. I know it's only a matter of time these days. I know she wants to die now. Once the will is gone, what's left? I know she's lived so many years in pain and suffered a great deal in her life. She say's she just wants to go home and see her Mom and Dad. And she deserves to just rest and never have to take another pill or hurt another minute.

I took a pregnancy test today because I'm over a week late. I've had a tubal but I figure my chances of having that fail - well lets just say I look over my shoulder a lot. It was negative and I am relieved. Neither of us can do that again without a struggle. Three is enough.

So that's it for things tonight. A little scatterbrained but what the hell. Sue me.

I'm mad at you!

For going to work everyday and creating a career without ever really thinking what I'm doing at home to help you get there.

For eating the left overs for lunch and not saying "Thank you".

Because you workout on your own time in a gym with people around you and no one crying for you to wipe their ass or help them with their baby's hat while you suffer through a 3 mile run in the basement.

For not connecting with me when I ask you to and getting mad at me when I tell you gently how neglected I am feeling.

For ignoring my hard work. I don't just work out for me, or for my health. I work out so that you have a woman who likes to take care of herself to hold onto at night, instead you're watching Ultimate Fighter again.

For telling me to eat the cake if I want to eat the cake or that I don't need to work out on Saturday when I've already taken a day off mid week. I need you to hold me accountable sometimes because your support is important to me.

For coming home at 6:30 pm every night to dinner on the table, only to be frustrated and mad with the kids by 7:30 and yelling at everyone.

For being negative about my fitness goals this month. I need you to tell me I can do it, not remind me of the work I have ahead of me.

Would it be so hard to say you're sorry for saying something that hurt my feelings, even when you don't understand why.

Is it too much to ask for you to genuinely give me a bit of gratitude for the amount of work I do to keep this family running? Maybe you could let me know that you realize that I have other goals in life other than just serving you in yours.

Maybe you could tell me that I have done a good job with the house today or that I'm a good mother to our children.

NO ONE IS GOING TO TELL ME THIS EXCEPT FOR YOU. Everything I do is in your name. All the work, the girls, the house, the bills, the dinners, the hot body? I do all that for YOU!!!

A little appreciation would go a long way.

It's official.

I booked tickets to visit Mom over Thanksgiving. I'm excited for this, it's long overdue. I've never let this much time pass by without visiting her. I love her so much and am so grateful to her for raising me up the way she did. I admire her for who and why she is who she is. I just can't put into words the significance of her presence in my life except for one way.

Mother.

She's my Mother. I love her for everything.