Summer Vacation

So far life has been rather exciting here at the crazy house. Summer vacation is underway and the kids all have permanent flavor ice brain freeze. I just have the plain old losing my mind brain freeze. Life is good.

Wildlife abounds everywhere we turn. Butterflies are fluttering, birds are chirping, slugs are slimming and snakes are slithering. Even baby turtles are making appearances on nature walks. Oh, and spiders are laying their egg sacs in the kid's goggles....


and cool frogs are appearing out of nowhere...


and did I mention that adorable babies are having tea on my kitchen counter??


She's also doing other cutsie things like crawling and pulling herself up. We had to lower her crib mattress the other night and just in time because she's now standing up in her crib. And she's oh so proud of herself. We always cheer her on and give her loud applause when she does something cool. The dimpalicious smile she flashes in return is only the most adorable thing you ever did see.

I must admit, I am very lucky that I'm surrounded by little people. Adorable happens a lot here with the babe, 2 year old girl, 3 year old boy, and even the 7 year old girls manage to kill me with cuteness once in a while. The toddler boy is always making deals and having heart attacks..."if I eat this all, I'm gonna watcha movie!", the toddler girl is melting my heart every day with her baby blues staring up at me. That and the fact that her bathing suit sounds a lot like "baby soup". The older girls are just funny, reminding me daily that even though they seem much bigger than the others, they are still very little. Because they still eat hamgurbers and tell me how that baby's heart sure is beeping fast. Even if they're saying all these things while applying cherry berry lip gloss and flipping their hair over their shoulder.

I'll tell you, I may be losing my mind but it's much more appealing that sitting at a desk in some stuffy office somewhere pounding out mundane chores on a keyboard. I may get sick of wiping fingerprints and asses, but at least I'm loved. Loved in the simplest of ways and without expectations other than a safe place to play and food to eat. Sure, it's a thankless job, but the thank you's come in other forms. Like giant hugs and a quick "wuv you" when they're heading home for the night and tiny whispers begging to "please just let me stay wiff you." That you absolutely will not get from any office.

Father's Day

I can't really tell you from experience as a daughter what the definition of a father is. My own father died when I was three years old in a tractor accident. Sounds really strange and very county-ish. But it's true. He raced stupid tractors at the pulls during the summer fair in August. He would practice on old field roads, which are a dime a dozen where I'm from.

One hot summer day in July he was out horse-playing with that silly tractor he and his buddies had tricked out with testosterone, preparing for the big day that was only a few weeks away. I'm not sure how it played out exactly, except that the tractor somehow tipped over and landed on top of his chest and suffocated him. He died before help arrived. I seem to remember someone saying that my mother was there watching him goof off, though they were divorced. She has mentioned that they used to have a beer together once in a while after they split.

Not the most ideal of relationships. Two young kids who fell in love, one was barely 17 and the other 14. Somehow in the messed up life of horny teenage misfits, the younger of the two, my mother, became pregnant with my oldest sister. The marriage arrangements were made swiftly as pops came from a devout pentecostal family and we couldn't have a little bastard running around. So there they were, baby on the way, barely old enough to have a driver's license, neither old enough to vote taking vows they knew nothing about. Talk about your bad decisions.

Not that my mother would change it all now. They went on to have 3 more children over the next 5 years. Shortly before I was born they split. The odds were stacked against them. Too young to know any damn better. My mom ended up giving me to her mother to raise when I was a baby and she kept my older siblings. What other choice did a single mother with 4 kids at 20 truly have. No education, no chance in the world really. Not with her baggage, something had to give and that was me. After Dad died a few years later it all just stayed that way and seemed normal. At least for a long time it did.

I don't regret growing up the way I did. But I do regret, for my father, that he chose to drive that tractor and just happen to up and die that day. I can't imagine if he had it to do over he would chose the same fate. I wonder what parts of me are him. I guess I know in my heart he's always watched over all of us, sharing in all our lives from a distance. I only wish I could have known him up close.

Reality is I don't know him and never will. Not a single memory except for a faint moment of him cold in his casket. Seems so freaking crazy when you really think about it. A memory of a corpse, but that is mine. Don't feel bad though, I don't have a recurring dream or any uncontrolable ticks because of it. Just a bit sad today as I quietly wished him a happy Father's Day.

Lucky for me I have had another chance to witness the bond between a father and his baby girl. So lucky, in fact, that I get to see it happen twice. Happy Father's Day to you too J. I am so grateful that you are my baby's daddy.

Shit

I'm tired. Just plain old dog tired and could most likely sleep 15 hours straight if I were in a cool dark room undisturbed. A couple of bong hits wouldn't hurt either. But that is neither here nor there.

I started caring for a new kid this week. A three year old boy that jumps off counters and spits carpet lengths, not long after he's beaten up every single monster imaginable and eaten 5 tuna fish sandwiches and a bag of chips. So if I seem a bit out of touch that could be the biggest reason. I have lots going on therefore lots to talk about, however, there isn't enough time in the day. Summer vacation is about to begin and in a couple of weeks I'll be going on a much needed and long overdue vacation to the county (northern Maine for those who are wondering where this county I speak of is). Two other valid reasons for my absense.

Eventually I'll get a handle on things and will be able to juggle a post here and there but for now any down time I have I'm in full rest mode....barely allowing breathing much less actual finger movement.

I am still reading when I get a moment, so please tell me stories. Give me a three minute escape if you can. I'm gonna need a place to chill whilst I'm knee deep in pb&j and worms.

The second half

You're 7 months old today E. I am in awe of you every day and can't believe we didn't do this sooner. Is there ever a right time to have a baby? I know people plan their children to a degree, but you're never fully prepared for what you're about to embark upon. A roller coaster ride for sure. Another life. Another human being in my world. Someone else to love and one to return that adoration.

So you and I broke the breastfeeding tie this month. You had what I believe now was a nursing strike, only in that strike you decided that you would drink formula. Surprising to me because you had never liked formula up to that point and I thought it was a shot in the dark trying it again. It was funny how you quickly changed your mind about what you wanted to be eating. You still like to cuddle and sometimes pretend you want to nurse again but you quickly lose interest and move on to your next thought. Since you seemed so happy with your new feeding schedule and set the pace all on your own I thought I would respect your wishes and not push the issue too much. It was truly heartbreaking early on but we quickly adjusted and I came to my senses and saw what a positive transition this was for us. No, it's not breast milk, but it's not poison either. And if you're happy, I'm happy.

You're growing. I can't believe the change that seems to have happened over night. I'm amazed everyday at how big you're getting. It's as if I've finally woken up from the 6 month daze I was in and noticed you, really noticed you and how big you had gotten without me even knowing it. You're sitting up on your own now, you're up on all fours rocking back and forth and getting braver by the hour. I know you will end up crawling this month, maybe even within the next week or so. The progress you're making is exciting and new to all of us here at the crazy house. Every day is a learning experience for you and you're enjoying every minute of your new found talents and soon your freedom.

Sleep is getting a little better. You're usually waking once to eat and early morning to get into bed with mom and dad. Dad also takes night duties every other night which is FABULOUS. I so needed to catch up on the sleep deprivation from the past year or so. It feels good to feel a little more like myself again. Our house is much cleaner since this new development too which is very refreshing. Exactly what have I been doing since last summer??

You're such a cuddler. I don't know how I got so lucky with you wanting to love on me so much. S was never like that, in fact, S was much the opposite. She and I never really had that kind of relationship, or at least not on the scale that you and I do. I thought our bond would change a lot once we stopped breastfeeding but that has not been the case, which I'm very happy about.

You have stolen your daddy's heart and he has fallen head over heals IN LOVE with YOU. It's adorable and I enjoy watching the bond between the love of my life and his daughters. If I did everything wrong in my life and had only one accomplishment worth speaking of it would be that I chose, hands down, the BEST father I could have ever wanted for my own children. I am very thankful for your daddy and all he does to make his girls happy. We'll have to think of something special to do for him coming up on Father's Day. He deserves it.

I can't imagine what the next 5 months are going to be like. Your changes are going to be endless I know and in such a short period of time. It won't be long and you'll be eating chocolate cake and wearing a party hat and chasing your sister around the kitchen. Wow, time flies when you're having fun. For now we're doing our best to enjoy the moments given to us each day.....and hoping we get a good picture out of it every once in a while.