Move complete!

We made it into our new house and Abigail's 6th birthday party with decent results.  I won't say I was a walking cloud of calm the entire time, but I kept moving forward each day.  I've unpacked and sorted (again) about 85% of our household belongings.  Some of our things were still packed from the previous move last November.  Some of it is packed into storage still. 

I had a dream about moving last night.  I know this uncertainty and lack of control has been a huge factor in my ability to handle every day stresses.  This rock has been sitting on our back ever since Dee was diagnosed with cancer a year ago.  It's been heavy since then. 

I decided the best thing for me to do right now is figure out meds, focus on family, and workout with something different most days of the week to learn.  Then a dash of Zumba classes to get my name exposed to people.  Patience has never been a virtue of mine and maybe that's why I'm always faced with situations that keep me immobile, or have me take steps backwards because the first round was a training for what's to come.  It's not my job to figure it all out today.  Let's just call this planning mode since I don't feel stable enough in my day to day to take on any more than what's in front of me. 

I've been told that I'm not here for the sprint, it's the marathon that's going to really matter.

On a more uplifting note, I could live here forever.  I chose this place a long time ago. While it's a different home for me now, I'm grateful to be back in the arms of the Maine coast.  Soaking in the energy of all that is attracted to this place.  I didn't see a cardinal all winter long, but the first day we moved into our new (AMAZING) rental, there were a pair sitting right on the bushes by the driveway, unaffected by my showing up to bask in their sun.  I was so happy in that moment. 

I've been happy in many moments though.  I haven't been writing here since we left the other house but this was a great move.  We are paying more for this house but having it located in town is a blessing.  Lots and lots of walking, bike riding, park visiting, library, shops, good restaurants, post office, therapy, yoga, school....the list could be larger but you get the idea.  It's an old meets new Victorian house with lots of space and charm.  Everyone has settled in nicely, even me. 

I managed a really nice family dinner and home made dessert for Abby's birthday.  We had a great gathering last Sunday afternoon.  It was the first time both sisters and their families came to my home for a meal and in THAT moment, I felt normal.  Like I wasn't on the outside looking in. 

Though the beginning has been rocky, I realize that it's the beginning.  Just like a flower that closed in the darkness...I will bloom in my own timing and in my own way.  Hopefully into a more beautiful one with each new coming moment. 

Seriously though, having my bipolar disorder fully express itself was something I didn't see coming until it happened.  Even the name of this blog that's been in circulation on and off for only knows how long, indicated a flash.  I wonder how this will be used in my life?  All is our guru and if I'm lucky, I'll be able to use it as a positive to help others.  This is my intention, to manage this as best I know how and live the best life I absolutely can.  But it won't happen overnight I don't think.