I feel better now. HAHAHAHAAHAHA! Yes, I'm crazy.

It's funny what a couple of days away and a little hope can do for a soul.  My last post was a debbie downer, but you know, it has to come out some place because I feel like no one listens, sometimes. 

Communication is such a tricky business.  Jim and I have undergone months upon months of stress this last decade.  That's a lot of frigging months. 

At the end of the day we are a tight unit.  Almost as tight as my buns, but not quite.  Yes, I just said that.  I'm not even sorry.  I have worked hard at re-shaping and re-defining myself, body, mind and soul.   I'm here to toot my own fucking horn once in a while dammit. 

It's kind of overwhelming to find out about a new venture into the world of mental health amongst a 10 minute bitch session.  I have to admit, I was so pissed the first time I was hospitilized.  The meds were wrong and I was so drugged up.  I had gone in at a svelt 120 lbs.  Came out with 10 extra, no muscle coordination and a huge cloud above my head. 

When I think back on it, I've been right on the cusp of going over the edge many years.  I believe a hyper active thyroid and per-menopause have given me a big push towards needing medication. 

The second hospitilization was a much different experience with different drugs and listening doctors.  I could cry just thinking about how grateful I am that I have a mild case and will probably manage it just fine with some good self care and low dose medication.  This is not the case for all. 

I am definitely what you would call Empath.  And what that means is just someone who's extremely sensitive to all emotions around them.  Sometimes I can even feel pain if I'm closely connected with you, this is new since finding the cause of my roller coaster.  If Jim loses his shit I'm done.  Can't function.  Same with my kids and the friends I let in my circle of trust.   It's part of the reason I've been such a hot mess for the entirety of my life.  It's so funny to open these new presents and say, OOOHHHHHH!!!  It's common for highly empathic individuals to be diagnosed bipolar, and not always bipolar individuals who are Empaths.  It's not your typical cocktail, or maybe it is.  It will be tricky finding exactly what I need to thrive, but I'm hoping with good a good doctor, a good psychiatrist, and therapist, I'll succeed in getting what I need.  I have a trusted therapist and she has recommended a doctor to me.  I'm 2/3 of the way there.  The psychiatrist was referred to me by my inpatient team and I trust their judgement.  I think they do tend to listen, but you have to get their attention.  That's not something I have trouble doing.  Yes, I said that too.  People take notice when I take a seat.  They might think I'm a total moron, but they do take notice.  This I know!  Yes...TOOOT TOOOT! 

I'm in the middle of dinner and have to go, but this is something to chew on so you don't die of agony waiting for the next musing.  All 10 of you.  Or so. 

Have a great week, friends. 

Love,
Ropa