The huge draw back to having dreams....

My mind simply never seems to shut off.  Lately, I have been going through a lot of emotional growth and changes.  Two steps forward, one step back, but progressing none the less.  It's a process; we can't just skip through to the finish line without a little hard work and thought. 

And boy do I ever make good on the thoughts.  Which is freaking hilarious considering the title of this blog.  I subconsciously knew myself better than I even thought.  Millions of times I have thought about giving this blog the big shut down but haven't fully committed to closing because OMG, where would the thoughts go?  I shutter to even think.  Can you even imagine how much brain swelling I would have?

So along with a new Beach Body business, I am in the early stages of a huge business decision.  It is all extremely rough draft at this point and I need to do some serious thinking (no problem with that here apparently) about every possible aspect of the venture.  I have a possibility of expanding my business and branching out and opening my own studio.  That means I have to think bigger than ever, to dream bigger than ever, to work HARDER than ever.  I'm terrified, excited also, but mostly scared shitless.  I have never in my life saw my own potential or felt like I had any desire to give anything 110% of my time and effort.  And the few times I saw anything permanent I was never taken seriously.  Never.  I never got to be in charge when the teacher left the room in first grade, I never got to be the line leader, I never got to be class president, I never even got to do lunch count at the cafeteria.  I've never been given the opportunity to step into any leadership role EXCEPT for cheer captain which I totally sucked at because I was a bitch in high school.  My baggage was too heavy and I suffered from ill-equipped coping mechanisms (I'm still working on that shit too).  In my adult life I had a brief opportunity to shine and I did well with it - I was a squad leader in basic training and kicked ass at that...but after that I guess nothing tickled my fancy enough to get me to shine.  Although at times I thought a certain workplace would suit my career goals, the doors would always remain closed.  I guess there are bigger plans for me. 

Then we moved here and I spent 6 years at home taking care of and making a few kids of my own.  I succeeded at a few things I had previously failed at.  Like breastfeeding, and being a good wife.  Those were important victories for me now that I really think about it.  But all along I thought this journey was about my husband, and not me at all.  Then along came Zumba Fitness (my glorified second chance at being cheer captain and doing it well).  The journey the last two years has been filled with ups and downs.  It still is.  One day I have 30 people consistently, obligations take hold of every one's life and I have 12 students for weeks on end during the summer months.  But through it all, I haven't lost site of what this is about.  It's about sharing my talents and openness of heart to help people begin and maintain a weight loss and fitness journey.  It's about them, not me.  I want to be a fitness professional, a personal trainer, a group fitness instructor, a weight loss coach, a support system on many different levels - whatever title you want to put to it, I want to be it. 

And I'm going to do it, too.  Watch me. 

I took the plunge!

After contemplating forever over a new business opportunity, I decided to become a Beach Body coach.  If you've come to this blog and you are feeling down about your current health situation and you want to start a fitness journey - reach out.  You get to hear a lot of my neurosis and crap on this blog, but at the center of me - what I'm really about, is helping people figure out how to work healthy eating and fitness into their lives.  I am not a nutritionist, but beach body has tools in place for me to help my customers succeed, people with a lot of education and the know how to give you information.  I am only licensed to teach Zumba Fitness, and my classes aren't anywhere near you.  But all of you are at my finger tips, and beach body has workout programs that you can do in your own home if you so desire.  I am always available for motivation, advice, help anytime you need someone to listen and give you a lift over obstacles that you face in changing your lifestyle.  It's not about being perfect, it's about progressing into a more positive and healthy journey.  We are always going to falter, we are gonna want to eat pizza, or take a nap instead of working out.  But - we are all capable of baby steps.  Just cutting out one soda we drink per day turns into cutting out all your soda entirely after we get used to having less...and less....and less.  You are who you decide to be.  If you want help getting there, I can take your hand.  You can connect and become my free customer by joining today.  If you want to take it a step further you can get a club membership and start using other tools to help you in your process.  Thanks for taking the time to read my musings.  You are appreciated.  

http://beachbodycoach.com/esuite/home/Zumbamommy23#

Work and life

All work and no play makes me grumpy as hell, but feeling super accomplished none the less.  I have been working my buns off cleaning up the gym at the Grange building where I teach my Zumba classes.   I took on the job of cleaning this building and have done a good job upstairs where we house the gymnastics, Tae Kwon Do and Zumba - the bathrooms and foyer....but doing the bare minimum in the gym because it was a mess, it needed more than just a thorough cleaning to get it where it needs to be.  We had a board meeting about three weeks ago where I got creamed for not doing enough even though everyone else was just sitting around and not doing anything to take initiative to make things better.  I felt no need to put in the elbow grease if I was alone in the task and needed approval for painting and help to get those awful carpets out and good solid gym mats in their place.  I figured demolition before we made it shiny?  Apparently that was not the page the wicked witch of the west was on so I got reprimanded, blind sided, in front of a room full of people who really had no place in hearing the accusation.  But whatever.  I took that negative energy and resentment towards my other successes in the building and just started to work harder.  It's coming around and I'm going to kick some serious ass.  Why?  Because I really care about this place and I want to see it grow and succeed.  Not for me, but for the half of our town that's overweight and feeling shitty about themselves.

I have a good handful of haters here, but living across the street from them are my supporters, people who believe in me and the vision I have for our town.  Why do people have to bring their dollars to larger cities because that's the only place that have access to amazing fitness classes and full gym facilities?  Why not keep it local and convenient?  Why not give them a place to find support and fitness mentors to help them navigate this crazy notion of health and fitness?

Back track about 10 years.  There was a vision of another young lady who was raising a family here and trying to insight a fitness movement in our town, but there was one thing missing.  Or actually, one thing in the way.  Her giant ego.  She built this gym and community building but failed to build lasting and supportive relationships in the process.  It was all business, all the time, and never that connection people want to feel.  I'd rather get a bad hair cut from an amazing person who leaves me feeling special than get a fantastic one from someone who could care less if they ever saw me again.  Far too many people felt unimportant and overwhelmed with starting a journey they knew nothing about.  Business is about forming relationships with people because first and foremost they want to know when they give you money they worked really hard to earn, that it's appreciated and valued.  They want you to work hard, sometimes harder than the paycheck warrants.  One good recommendation turns into another and when you do it right your business improves as does your paycheck.

Fitness is kind of tricky because most people would much rather dream of becoming fit than putting in the hard work and hours it takes to lose the fat they've accumulated.  It's challenging and it means putting yourself first for a change.  It means busting your ass and eat with intention instead of feeding your soul.  All good things in moderation.  I think I have a gift for motivating and seeing the potential in any given person.  Everyone falls off the wagon from time to time, but I consider myself a ladder to help them get back on.  I've never been more sure of anything in my life up to this point.  This is my journey right now.  It might not always be so, but right now I am right where I'm supposed to be.

So I will tread lightly around this particular obstacle.  I will placate her and make her feel like her contribution is the most important one because it will help me accomplish things that need to be done.  She leaves next summer for good since her twin boys are graduating and going off to college.  This door is opening for me and I'm going to walk through it.

Again, here I am with a million run on sentences and a story that suffers from ADHD.  I hope you were able to keep up.  :D

Checking in....

Howdy people, here you are again checking in on me and I find it unbelievable that complete strangers would want to come back for more but apparently some of you do so I should probably do you a favor and give you something to read. 

This week was another crazy one.  I have been taking on more things lately and getting busier and busier.  If I don't get a planner, something is gonna fall through the cracks but I'm trying very hard to stay on top of things. 

You wanna know something enlightening about the issues I was dealing with a few weeks ago?  I owned them and was honest with myself and with the person they referred to and poof, they were gone.  I can't explain it and I don't know exactly how it all just evaporated, but it did and I'm walking on air because of it.  I suppose there's something to be said for true honesty and trusting that all will be well if you put yourself out there and be vulnerable.  The people who truly love and honor your friendship will remain and walk you through it, the people who are in it for themselves will walk away and throw a few knives in your back in the process. 

In that discovery I have also started to work on my self loathing issues.  I would project negativity towards me from others onto who I was as a person and bash myself into small itty pieces.  It obviously wasn't working for me and was making me miserable.  It came about and was as simple as a shift in thinking.  My thoughts just sort of gently rotated without too much hard work.  I say not too much work....but then  I'm 36 years old and just now starting to come into focus (and there will be instances where I'll have to put this into practice with greater efficiency).  My inner dialogue reads... it's not you, it's them.  It's okay for them to think and feel how they do, but you cannot dim your light or change who you are to fit their mold.  You are you and you are enough.  The people who love you, the people who contribute to your life; focus on that.  They are the light and where your heart should be.  You cannot change the opinions of others, and their opinions have NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW GOOD YOU ARE!  So I stopped believing in the crap.  I'm happy and not letting the past creep in and rob me of what I deserve in this present moment.  I am extremely proud of this progress.