Harder than I thought.

This pregnancy thing with a one year old? I had forgotten how much work small children were. I am constantly drained and in pain from head to toe. I'm having my doubts about the next 7 weeks. I am not sure how I'm going to manage serious pregoness along with hell on robeez.

A big problem I'm having is the baby gate dilemma. I can no longer hurdle these anymore, not really. And I don't have the energy to chase away tiny fingers from the water cooler and doggie food. The food I have since moved but the water is a larger obstacle that I can't really remedy. She will either learn or I will die.

Another problem is the constant work surrounding a house with 4 people, a dog, a cat, and two children who come here 5 days a week for child care. The clutter is never ending. The laundry piles are growing faster than I can wash them. The floors are a constant battle. I know that is every mother's problem and I'm certainly not alone, but DAMN!! I'm tired of dealing with the dirt, the hair, the wood debris from the stove, the spilled juice, the play dough, the crackers, the half eaten baby carrots or what ever else, the dust, the tooth paste in the sink, the dirty tubs and messy rooms. I wanna sit down and bawl some days because I simply can not function in the way this family needs me to right now. My ambition, my energy just aren't at their normal mommy levels. Basic hygiene (on my own part) is neglected because that means I won't get a nap while E is asleep. But I need to take a shower at least twice a week, right?

My hormones are going CARAAAAZY!! I'm in that phase of the pregnancy where everything is a HUGE deal and I can't deal with anything not going according to plan. Chaos sends me over the edge and that is everywhere I look. I am in the thick of dealing with an unruly toddler/baby that won't talk and would rather be set on fire than listen to her mother. I'm convinced I'm incapable of teaching her to obey or sleep.

I know I'll make it through to the end. Is there any other choice? Am I the first person to have a difficult one year old while pregnant? Of course not. I will make it one day at a time, sometimes one nap and sometimes one minute. It just seems, at times, that I'm about to overflow with frustration and collapse in a pile of mush onto the living room carpet.