Hmmm...can't sleep.

I have a lot on my mind I guess. Seems like there is so much to do and a whole lot of hurry up and wait. It can be so difficult to sit back and live each moment as it comes at times. There isn't any one particular thing on my mind per say, just a jumble of the future.

The baby.

The move.

The job.

E growing up too fast.

S getting through her awkward years.

How the hell I'm going to pass that level of Super Mario 2 on S's game boy.

What to make for dinner tomorrow.

Where is this Easter Bunny guy and why isn't he hiding the eggs for me?

You know, all the important things one thinks about when they should be SLEEPING!!

It's anybody's guess what position the pillows need to be in for me to fall fast asleep comfortably. I've also had to pee twice in the past half hour and that doesn't help. Baby A is awake (which isn't normal for her) and we're playing tag. Or she may have a case of hiccups and I have imagined that she is playing with me. Not sure.

Oh...I saw the cutest darned puppy at the mall today. She was one of the Prince Charles Spaniels or whatever the hell you call them. Anyway, she was the cutest little thing and we made best friends quite swiftly through her glass window. I named her Princess. She's not happy they are keeping her from me. I thought you would want to know about that.

Thursday was a tough day. First thing in the morning we had a minor accident in our home with E and a travel mug of coffee. It wasn't mine. I don't travel. But it doesn't matter who's it was, what mattered was that she somehow managed to get her grubby little hands on it in the 4 seconds we weren't in the room with her and she spilled it on her shoulder. I have prayed and thanked God many times since then that it was a travel mug and it had a cover. Otherwise that could have turned out to be a lot worse than what it was. Turned out to be 4 tiny little burns on her left shoulder with blisters and everything. Talk about scary. Walking around a corner and seeing coffee everywhere and your child pulling at her clothes and screaming bloody murder. Needless to say I freaked. J stayed home from work that day and went to the pediatrician's office with me to be sure that she wasn't burned more severely than we had thought. She's fine. Her burns are healing so fast and I'm so happy that she is okay.

I have to add that in the heat of the moment I never once placed blame upon anyone. I am very proud of myself for that because even though I know that I know that I know it wasn't intentional or something that happened due to carelessness I wanted to yell. Loudly. And I didn't.

The rest of the week has gone rather smoothly. I'm moving a little slower and those damned baby gates are winning the battle but I'm hanging in there. This time around doesn't seem as tough but I still have the toughest two months ahead of me. Remind me again what happened? I look at my growing belly in disbelief sometimes and can't quite grasp three kids much less three girls. But whatever will be will be I guess. I'm in it for the long haul with that snoring jerk face that is sleeping in my bed so I guess three girls it is.

You get what you get.

I was trying to write something today. Instead I'm just going to post this.


.....because we could all benefit from babies and braids. Right?

Looking for a little change.

Can't control much around here right now and I've been feeling a bit bored. But there is something I can mess with for fun, hence the different look. Nothing exciting, nothing coded by my own hand, no fancy pictures and such, but it's different and I like different.

Something about everything having to run its course that makes me feel aggravated. Winter will be over when it's ready. Baby will come when it's time. Grad school will be over when it's over, no sooner, no later than the amount of time we're just supposed to wait.

Grrrr.....

Anyway...wanna see a cute picture?

I do.

Testing one, two, three.

Testing one, two.

That's what I'm calling it because I am not ready to label her my bad seed. I know, everyone has that child that tests all boundaries laid out for them and rips all confidence you ever could have in parenting to shreds. But I was optimistic that I was just that good of a mother that my children understood from day one such behavior was unacceptable at mommy's house.

I was one of those mothers yesterday. You know, the kind you either look at with empathy or disgust because she isn't doing one of two things you think she should do; handle her kid or get the hell out of their face. E threw a ripe tantrum in the mall yesterday and was utterly out of control. Me being seven months pregnant had not the energy or the emotional where with all to do much of anything except wait it out and ignore her raunchiness the best that I could.

She is cutting molars and the only word I can think of to describe her is cantankerous. Okay...so there are other words but I'm trying to be...well I don't know what I'm trying to be. She is just horrible to be around right now, not all day but a lot of the day and I've had it up to HERE with her mood swings. I try to be caring and nurture her into comfort but there isn't a consoling trick in the book that is working for her. And I'm about to lose it trying.

I read that toddlers throw tantrums because they love you. And you should be thankful that they allow themselves to be in such a vulnerable position and show such trust that they can act like demons seeping out from the fiery depths of hell in your presence.

Right.

Because they looooove you.

I'm not buying it. But what the hell ever. All I can say is if it gets worse from here, how am I supposed to manage it? Is she going to break me in slowly for the real crap that begins when they're three? Or am I getting the worst version right off the bat so I don't worry that she's going from bad to motherfuckingevil?

I don't even know what to guess anymore with her. One thing is for sure, this is going to be a bumpy ride. Eventful and I'm sure exciting at times, but bumpy none the less.