Slow moving but moving none the less.

That's the norm around here.  I've been tired and busy and tired.  My work has been suffering because there's no time for Zumba when you're busy and tired.  But this week has been a good one.  I've been working my ass off and I'm feel so good about making a little progress. 

I'm not a dancer or a choreographer and I have no creativity when it comes to putting stuff together.   I can take bits and pieces from other talented people, tweek it to my own body movement and bring it to class but the inspiration and motivation that goes into the research is daunting at times.  I've been trying to put together a new class format, Zumba Toning, and it's proving to be a challenge getting started but I feel a little momentum coming.  I have about four or five songs that are in my brain and have found choreography to go along with them.  One I did myself start to finish with a minor inspiration from an old youtube video that Nathan Blake put out a year ago.  Just getting one song completed and ready is enough to get a ball rolling.  Won't be long now and I'll have a class ready to go.  Here's the kicker....I'm just getting above water with Mom's death and I'm going home in two weeks to bury her.  So for the next two weeks I need to work my ass off so fucking hard so that when the time comes to grieve a little more, I can just be present in that. 

I miss her so much.  I don't even know how to explain this plain I'm on.  Almost like I don't have a mother at all and I'm just hovering in this space because there isn't time to feel sad for too long because this delicate tower being held together by the skin of it's teeth would crumble if I were to stop paying close attention to every spinning wheel.  I'm so exhausted and tired of playing catch up.  I just hope and pray that my Toning class works out and it's not a waste of my effort putting this together.  I need full classes all the time to help keep this family fed and happy.

Wish me luck.