Eight Weeks.

I remember like it was yesterday, walking through the gate and out onto the runway to board my plane. One of the really small planes that had a lot of turbulence. I sat towards the back and had tears streaming down my face as I watched my home fade into the clouds like an old memory.

I walked into battalion in the middle of the night. There were people from all over the country sitting around me Indian style on old worn out carpet. We were listening to more experienced soldiers scare the living shit out of us. I don't remember much of what was said except that there was an amnesty box in the back of the room and if we had contraband, now was the time to get rid of it or suffer the consequences. What those were I didn't know but I didn't have anything to worry about; the person I was planning on turning into didn't break rules or push the envelope.

Finally the talking ended and we filed into fluorescent rooms with identical double door lockers and rows of metal bunk beds with ancient mattresses that were laden with thin white sheets and green woolen blankets that smelled a little like moth balls. I had arrived at basic training and this was my new reality, the new life I had chosen for myself. A new beginning.

Nothing was familiar. There weren't any comforts of home to be had and any attempt at becoming too cozy was squashed by a DS(drill sergeant)just waiting to drop you on your face.

It wasn't 8 weeks. Basic training was 8 weeks but that did not begin the moment you stepped foot on Uncle Sam's property. I had to be in processed before those 8 weeks started and it killed me. I needed a goal, something tangible to hold onto to comfort me while my footing was no where to be found. Everything was taken from me and stuffed into a bag and vaulted. They literally strip you down to nothing and turn you into a number, and a last name. I was no longer me. I was nothing more than a Private, if I was lucky I was Private Doughty.

The scariest thing to me at the time, scarier than even the possibility of going to war, was the shots. I've got to be kidding, right? I'm not. My heart raced a million miles an hour thinking about it. I asked everyone I dared speak to what it was like. They didn't use needles there, they used guns. Guns that shot liquid into your arm like tiny shards of glass. It was quick and felt like a fire shooting through my arm. I passed out after the first one. Not right away, though. I was standing in line for the second and passed out right in front of a room full of people. I held onto the person ahead of me and started laughing like I was just given a shot of morphine and fell straight to the ground. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one.

A week passed before I climbed aboard the bus that would take us to our new home for the remainder of my stay at Fort Jackson. The place where I would finally begin the 8 week countdown.

Basic from that point on was just that. You're there to learn the basic skills and mentality that you need to survive as best you can if sent to war.

"What makes the green grass grow?"

"Blood, blood makes the green grass grow Drill Sergeant!!!!"

We shouted that response as we did flutter kicks at 3 am. Just for fun.

They teach you about propriety. How to salute, how to stand when in the company of other soldiers with higher rank than you. It is all very political and can be quite degrading. But there was a lot of honor as well. A sense of respect was commanded from higher ranking, at least there anyway.

Some of the soldiers were picked on for being slow or not being able to shoot a gun properly. I was never one of those but I was one of the soldiers who would quietly take pity on the guy in front of everyone doing push up after push up while mail was being passed out. I hated seeing the underdog get singled out.

The food was horrible but we ate it and fast. There was never enough time for chow and they would hold food over our heads as if it were a reward. The DS's would scan the chow hall looking for someone with their hair all jacked up or perhaps someone brave enough to take dessert with their meal just hoping to humiliate them. I never loved cake so much in my life. I could have cared less if I ate sweets before, but the minute someone told me I couldn't have it I craved it like an addict craves his fix. What I would've done for a piece of shitty chocolate cake.

Learning about my M16 was great and I was good with my rifle. Even with a bum eye. I had to use my right eye to find the target then take aim because my left is basically useless. It didn't matter though, I was quick. My DS stood behind and watched one day as the rain poured down upon me. I was flat on my belly, my rifle propped and ready, nailing target after target.

"Now that's the way it's done." he said.

I'd never felt so proud in my life. My self confidence skyrocketed that day; I'll never forget that feeling.

They tell you that DS's are there to break you down to nothing and then build you back up. Their job was half finished with me because I had already been broken. But when I left basic I had a sense of pride within myself that felt better than any high I had ever experienced. I truly felt I was capable of anything.

I'll never forget those 8 weeks. As they came to a close I wished that it would never end. I didn't want this feeling to pass and I certainly didn't want to leave my new found family. But eventually we all left. And gradually, over time, so did the confidence.

A piece of that pride still resides in me, but once your track is laid, you are who you are and it's going to take a lot more than 8 weeks to change that. It sure was great, though, for that small amount of time, to feel invincible.

I don't mean to brag

but my baby is WALKING!! She took her first steps a couple weeks ago at 8 months...but is perfecting at 9 months. This week she has progressed from 2-3 steps to the lenght of the living room.

Next month I expect she'll be repelling down the side of her crib.

111

Because I'm not particularly good at regurgitating what is happening in my crazy world lately, I thought I would post my 100 things. Only I'm doing 111 because that's the way I roll.

111. I say wicked.
110. Usually followed by good.
109. I married a really handsome geek.
108. I like the dark edges of the saltine the best.
107. I like burned popcorn, too.
106. Sometimes I don't take a shower for 2 days.
105. I was in the Army.
104. I gained 25 lbs in basic training.
103. I used to go to church 3 times a week.
102. My feet are gigantic.
101. I'm only 5'2".
100. I don't know if I have 99 more things.
99. I have two daughters, both born by c-section.
98. I felt like a huge failure the first time.
97. The second time I felt lucky.
96. I am not always the best mother in the world.
95. I hate waking up in the morning.
94. I love Johnny Cash.
93. I was born on Johnny Cash's birthday.
92. I do not always walk the line.
91. I'm scared of ruining everything.
90. My mom survived cancer.
89. I have lived longer than my father did.
88. I have a problem believing people like me.
87. I'm paranoid.
86. I cut myself nearly 100 times when I was a teenager.
85. I never did that again.
84. I drank too much when I was in the Army.
83. I regret the time and money I wasted on that.
82. My nickname is Ropie! WTF!
81. At least I married a handsome geek.
80. Okay, that doesn't count again. I'm grasping now, aren't I?
79. I am still friends with some of the people I met on my first day of school.
78. I learned Russian. Zdrasvootye
77. I wish I could remember it better.
76. I like sex and candy.
75. I know all the words to the theme from The Dukes of Hazzard.
74. I have skinny dipped.
73. I've moved 10 times in 10 years.
72. I'm a handful sometimes.
71. I used to be a handful all the time.
70. I am not brave enough to jump out of airplanes.
69. I inhaled.
68. If what they taught me in church is true I'm going to the fiery pits of hell and burning for eternity.
67. I am smarter than our president.
66. I support the troops coming home.
65. I believe in love at first sight.
64. I would rather cuddle most days.
63. My grandmother's name was Bea Good.
62. I still think that is funnier than hell.
61. I take care of other people's children by day.
60. I am a porn queen by night.
59. I mean drama queen.
58. I was a teenage pregnancy.
57. So were my 3 brothers and sisters.
56. I was petrified of demons as a child.
55. I slept with my mother until I was 14.
54. I was a band geek.
53. I don't work as hard as I could.
52. Sometimes I am sad for no reason.
51. I say shit, fuck and damn.
50. I'm over half done this ridiculous task.
49. I started this last night.
48. I like driving fast.
47. I love Harry Potter.
46. I've read all 7 books in the series.
45. I hate sushi.
44. I love to cook.
43. I look forward to traveling when my kids are bigger and money isn't as much an issue.
42. I sing in the car and assume no one is out there laughing their butts off at me.
41. I have a reoccurring dream about buying a big old house that is full of secret rooms and keeps growing and growing.
40. I love when I have that dream.
39. I wear white after labor day.
38. Sometimes I catch my oldest daughter praying. I've never taught her about prayer.
37. I talk waaaaaaaaay too much and sometimes interrupt people unintentionally because I can't stop talking.
36. I was Princess Esmarelda in the 4th grade play and slipped on the remains of a pie I tossed in the face of one of my "court" during a performance. I was mortified.
35. I got boobs first, or so I'm told.
34. In my youth I tried to grow up too fast and now in my 30's I'm trying to stop time.
33. I would get a boob job.
32. I was my maid of honor's maid of honor.
31. Thinking of this many things is tough.
30. I raised money for the French Club my freshman year and gave the money to my best friend for her trip to France.
29. I would have loved to go but there was no way in corn dog hell that I could have.
28. I didn't even ask.
27. I smoked cigs and made out with boys in the woods at bible camp.
26. I picked potatoes and worked on a harvester.
25. Picking potatoes was the hardest work I've done for the smallest amount of money sans mothering my babies and taking care of my husband.
24. I love the smell of a crisp fall breeze.
23. I could talk to my husband for hours and hours and hours.
22. I am approaching 10 years of wedded blisssssters.
21. I am leaving that because I am really corny and find it funny.
20. I love mocha chip ice cream.
19. I wish I could smell gas without killing brain cells.
18. When I was pregnant I had to stay away from gas because I wanted to drink it.
17. I love rock n' roll.
16. I was cross eyed as a small child and had strubismus surgery when I was 3.
15. I think the trailer park boys are funnier than hell.
14. Nethermind about 14.
13. When I go home I immediately start talking like a county hick.
12. Lobster is delicious. But only if it comes from MAINE!!!!!
11. I love building fires.
10. I worked at Sun Glass Hut!!!
9. I love to sing.
8. I am my own worst critic.
7. I wish that I was smarter, prettier and richer.
6. I will be really happy when self acceptance truly takes over my life.
5. I think it comes in your 40's if you work hard.
4. I admire the wisdom of old people.
3. Bea Good would have been 100 years old on her last birthday.
2. I want to RV across America.
1. I am in awe of the universe and all it's complexities...more than my tiny mind could ever even grasp I imagine.

So there's 111 things. I hope it was entertaining.