Saturday, February 17, 2007

I am the dorkiest thirty year old ever.

OH, except for all the other thirty somethings (give or take a year or twenty) who were right there with me singing the blues. My guiltiest pleasure of all pleasures is karaoke. I need to do this in order to expose the song bird in me. I sing all day long, in the shower, in the car, to my babies, while playing my cheap fender acoustic, but that alone doesn't quench my thirst for applause and whistles. This is when I get to shine, so to speak. I know it's so dumb, that is why I'm so guilty about loving the hell out of it. But here's the deal, a girl needs to have something that is all her own to hold onto. I don't shop much, I don't have tons of girlfriends, I don't have a job outside of my home and I never go anywhere unless it's family related. What I do have is my beloved karaoke a couple times a year.

Why this past Friday? Well, let me just tell you, they have a super duper karaoke contest down this way. Where the locals like to call "the valley". It's held in a little rinky dink bar off the bowling alley. I entered it last year by recommendation and won 3rd place, one place shy of moving onto the REGIONALS in NYC! You have no idea the fame that is attached with the karaoke idol winners around these here parts. I was in the paper down in PENNSYLVANIA and everything. Seriously people, this is nothing short of heading to Nashville for some lucky contestants (not really, but whatever).

The contest is held in two parts. For thirteen weeks they pick singers from across the land to move on to the second portion of the show which involves about 40 singers, all competing for the title of Karaoke Idol. Except I think this year they're calling it the SUPER KARAOKE CONTEST III. For the big contest, which is held in April, they spare no streamer, not one piece of flashy confetti is left unused, the stage is set, and the seats are full of hopeful winners and gushing fans.

This has got to be one of the longest nights ever because everyone gets to sing their song of choice in round one, then they pick 15 or 20 people to sing another song so the winners can be decided, which takes FOREVER. Prizes are handed out to the top 5, nice little checks ranging from $250 to $75. The winners of 1st and 2nd place move onto the next round in NYC and the winners from there head to Vegas (trip for two) for the national competition and top prize of $5000. So it is obvious why I would want to enter this amazing contest and sing for the coveted title of Super Karaoke Contest Winner.

HAHA, this is so funny and silly because I could never really see myself entering such a contest before. I have to admit, though, that I have a blast. I have met a few nice people that I can be myself around and the look on people's faces when I belt out Janice Joplin's Bobby McGee is priceless. Plus I feel great when I do this. It's just the boost in self confidence I need to pick up my droopy, winter hating eyes and replace that sparkle that I once had back in the day.

So maybe I blew the dust off from my make up case and got a much needed hair cut. Maybe I wiggled when I walked just a little bit and smiled more than normal. Maybe I drank too much beer (according to my today's standards anyway) and sang a couple of kick ass songs Friday night. I needed that lift so badly. I sang the socks right off the adoring crowd. Hell, I think my milk even let down at one point. Which was funnier than hell, especially since I was the only one who knew this (thank GOD!). I could see the blissful looks on the judges faces as I did my la la la la's at the end of Janice's song. They love me so, I can just tell. I have to wait until next Friday to find out if I moved onto the second round, but there isn't much doubt, I'm just wondering if I won the weekly prize of $100 that is awarded to 1st place. I am trying not to toot my own horn, but dammit, every once in a while you need to. And I'm not even sorry, either.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I'm title-less today.

Is there such a thing as title less? Because if there is, that is where I'm at. I am lost in the trenches of motherhood and bodily fluids and see no end in sight. I've been puked, drooled, spit, urinated and crapped on this week and it's only Wednesday.

Honestly, there is no me right now. I want to enjoy this time in my baby's life and I try, try, try to live in the moment, but it's so fucking hard when I stink of 9 different kinds of baby goo. I try to find me in her, define myself as a mother and get my fulfillment as an individual from that, there just seems to be something lacking. I miss me, I want to find me and coax me out of that maternal ca coon and out into the real world again, if only just for an evening. Seriously, I am getting way too comfortable inside the walls I call my home. I am in serious need of adult interaction of some kind with someone other than the man I love (no offense honey).

I also need to get my hair did and lose 10 lbs.

I hate winter.

I'm almost 31 and haven't even come to terms with 30 yet.

Fuck.

Today has been a day that just needs a good flush.

I rarely have complete, intelligent thoughts anymore (that's assuming I actually did, at one time, have intelligent thoughts). And I'm not even stoned.

Fuck.

Valentine's Day sucks balls.

I'm going to be married for NINE years this month.

THIRTY-ONE SUCKS.

I want to have sex that doesn't make my vagina feel like it is going to fall off. Or maybe I do, but I want to enjoy it.

That's all.

I've nothing left to give right now. Even my fingers are too tired to participate.