have passed since giving birth to you little baby girl. I love you more than I ever thought possible. My love will continue to grow my sweet, and our bond will strengthen as time goes on. We've only just met yet I feel like I've always had you in my heart. I look into your big eyes and wonder if you feel the same about me.
I finally have a mini papa. I say mini papa because my first, S, looks exactly like me. I couldn't have copied a tiny version of myself any better than I have with the exception of her brilliant eyes. Those beauties are just a shade darker than mine; it's as if J and I poured our two colors together and made an original that was all her own. You on the other hand, my dear one, look very much like your daddy. I am excited to see what you're going to look like 4 months; 6 months; 2 years down the road. And I dare say you just might have those same pretty eyes your sister has.
My life has changed so much since I found out you were going to be part of our family. Pregnancy has never been my one of my brightest moments. Although I felt privileged to feel you so close to me before we had even met you, it was still difficult carrying the burden all to myself. I can't remember the last time I slept 8 hours undisturbed and I became a cranky old woman in no time. Since your birth, though, every hour of sleep lost; every pound gained; every uncomfortable back ache; every single twinge of annoyance has all been worth the trouble. You have filled a spot in our family that I didn't even know existed. You fit so well, my dear daughter; it's hard to imagine a time when you weren't here.
I decided early on that I would breastfeed you. I tried with your older sister and failed miserably. Neither of us could get into a rhythm and I had no idea exactly how persistent you needed to be in those first few weeks to establish a good relationship. With you, I was determined to do what was best. I can't say it was easy, but I can't say it was incredibly difficult either. You longed to nurse, it seemed. It felt so natural and we had few moments when it was so hard I wanted to quit. Every time it got a little rough I would tell myself to keep trying; just one more day. One more day would come and go and another would begin and we'd still be plugging away, you and I. Now the rewards of breastfeeding have begun. I get the sweetest smiles. You know, the smiles you keep all to yourself until it's just you and I sitting quietly alone while you're having a morning snack. I get to see your little legs grow chubby from my milk. I feel so confident in our relationship and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you know who your mama is and not just any old woman would do. You need me, you want me and you show me how much you love me all the time with your sparkling eyes and playful smile. I am rewarded with the special bond we share together because I gave you life and now I'm sustaining and caring for you in the most perfect of ways. I'm not giving that up anytime soon, that I am sure of.
You're growing my little one. Way too fast. I wish that I could somehow stop time and hold you close to me forever and keep the beautiful innocence that envelopes you. I often find myself embracing you tightly to my chest, drinking you in as deep as I can to solidify my memory of your infancy. I don't want to forget these moments we have together. I am all too familiar with just how fleeting they really are. It makes me sad to think how quickly it will pass.
You are my happy place dear child, you and your sister have brought me joy beyond compare. I hope you know, one day, how full you both have made me. To the brim, my sweet, to the brim.
