Wow!

Well last week was a zinger, no?  It's insane the emotions I go through on a daily basis and I wonder, what in the hell is wrong with me?  Does everyone internalize like this or am I a sick bastard?  I am kinda sick but I have to say that I'd rather be me, here growing and changing, learning and loving, rather than anyone else.  I am me, and I am enough. 

I know it's okay to feel things and that I will go through many emotions as I go through this process.  I lost my mom this year and that isn't easy no matter what age you are, or how long you had her around to be a constant in your life.  Your relationship with this unique and special individual shapes and molds you in many intricate ways.  My family, and it's many generations are evolving and I'm proud to say I'm part of that process.  My year of therapy helped me see that my family wasn't as bad as they seem on paper, that we are/were a culture, and I am no less of a human because of my experience.  But that isn't to say that I can't grow and see the bad points, and hone and sharpen the good points. 

 So you wanna here some things about the girls?  I promise that I am raising them in this process of being one huge cluster fuck.  I'm also still a dedicated and loving Zumba instructor with a new Toning class that people are very excited and happy with.  So that feels good.  But here I am digressing again.

Abby started school this fall.  Can you imagine my elation of having all three of my daughters in full time school?  It's like a big fat Christmas present every morning.  And I love her teacher.  Abby just loves being busy and having fun, she is very happy and well adjusted.  I am doing a good job :D  That's not to say I never lose my cool, or forget important shit.  I do far too often but I have to say that I have a great balance between love and chaos.  I am not a perfect mum, but I am a great mum.  And I know that someday there will be such a great reward in this journey when my girls are mothers and I can watch them do me, but better.  

Emily is playing soccer this year.  She whines and complains on game days that it's too hard without fail, then she gets on the field and starts having a good time learning to navigate a game she's born to play.  She's going to be an athlete as she grows and it's going to be a natural gift that she has.  I am going to really enjoy her in this area and I'm so excited to think about what's to come for her as she gets older.  First grade agrees well with her and she's just beginning to get this reading thing.  Mostly whats lacking is confidence and I'm working on that, practice is what will help her grow.  It won't be long now and she'll be blazing through books.  She has a readers mind and I know she'll enjoy the escape a good book can bring. 

Sydney is in 7th grade.  Oh boy, this year is going to be full on roller coaster I think.  Her emotions are all over the place (who's kid is she anyway).  But all in all she has a heart to be coveted and when push comes to shove she does the right thing.  She's bright and full of promise.  I would very much like to keep her that way.  Hopefully the boys will stay the hell away from her.  I'm hoping she takes on the persona of cool, angry chick that boys are afraid of because she's smart and powerful.  So far she's heading in that direction.  She wears my old Army camo to school and my jungle boots.  I don't discourage it at all.  She's also pretty as a princess.  Best blue eyes ever. 

The big man of the house has now become a hunter and also loves to play Frisbee golf.  I just cater to him and try to make him feel special because he lives with a house full of women and that has got to be hard.  I hope he gets his deer this year, he'll cry like a little bitch if he doesn't and we don't like him to be disappointed.  HE IS SO SPOILED!!  But in a very humble kind of way that's endearing.  In a few months we will celebrate our 15 year wedding anniversary.  I have never been happier in my marriage.