Checking in....

Howdy people, here you are again checking in on me and I find it unbelievable that complete strangers would want to come back for more but apparently some of you do so I should probably do you a favor and give you something to read. 

This week was another crazy one.  I have been taking on more things lately and getting busier and busier.  If I don't get a planner, something is gonna fall through the cracks but I'm trying very hard to stay on top of things. 

You wanna know something enlightening about the issues I was dealing with a few weeks ago?  I owned them and was honest with myself and with the person they referred to and poof, they were gone.  I can't explain it and I don't know exactly how it all just evaporated, but it did and I'm walking on air because of it.  I suppose there's something to be said for true honesty and trusting that all will be well if you put yourself out there and be vulnerable.  The people who truly love and honor your friendship will remain and walk you through it, the people who are in it for themselves will walk away and throw a few knives in your back in the process. 

In that discovery I have also started to work on my self loathing issues.  I would project negativity towards me from others onto who I was as a person and bash myself into small itty pieces.  It obviously wasn't working for me and was making me miserable.  It came about and was as simple as a shift in thinking.  My thoughts just sort of gently rotated without too much hard work.  I say not too much work....but then  I'm 36 years old and just now starting to come into focus (and there will be instances where I'll have to put this into practice with greater efficiency).  My inner dialogue reads... it's not you, it's them.  It's okay for them to think and feel how they do, but you cannot dim your light or change who you are to fit their mold.  You are you and you are enough.  The people who love you, the people who contribute to your life; focus on that.  They are the light and where your heart should be.  You cannot change the opinions of others, and their opinions have NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW GOOD YOU ARE!  So I stopped believing in the crap.  I'm happy and not letting the past creep in and rob me of what I deserve in this present moment.  I am extremely proud of this progress.