The huge draw back to having dreams....

My mind simply never seems to shut off.  Lately, I have been going through a lot of emotional growth and changes.  Two steps forward, one step back, but progressing none the less.  It's a process; we can't just skip through to the finish line without a little hard work and thought. 

And boy do I ever make good on the thoughts.  Which is freaking hilarious considering the title of this blog.  I subconsciously knew myself better than I even thought.  Millions of times I have thought about giving this blog the big shut down but haven't fully committed to closing because OMG, where would the thoughts go?  I shutter to even think.  Can you even imagine how much brain swelling I would have?

So along with a new Beach Body business, I am in the early stages of a huge business decision.  It is all extremely rough draft at this point and I need to do some serious thinking (no problem with that here apparently) about every possible aspect of the venture.  I have a possibility of expanding my business and branching out and opening my own studio.  That means I have to think bigger than ever, to dream bigger than ever, to work HARDER than ever.  I'm terrified, excited also, but mostly scared shitless.  I have never in my life saw my own potential or felt like I had any desire to give anything 110% of my time and effort.  And the few times I saw anything permanent I was never taken seriously.  Never.  I never got to be in charge when the teacher left the room in first grade, I never got to be the line leader, I never got to be class president, I never even got to do lunch count at the cafeteria.  I've never been given the opportunity to step into any leadership role EXCEPT for cheer captain which I totally sucked at because I was a bitch in high school.  My baggage was too heavy and I suffered from ill-equipped coping mechanisms (I'm still working on that shit too).  In my adult life I had a brief opportunity to shine and I did well with it - I was a squad leader in basic training and kicked ass at that...but after that I guess nothing tickled my fancy enough to get me to shine.  Although at times I thought a certain workplace would suit my career goals, the doors would always remain closed.  I guess there are bigger plans for me. 

Then we moved here and I spent 6 years at home taking care of and making a few kids of my own.  I succeeded at a few things I had previously failed at.  Like breastfeeding, and being a good wife.  Those were important victories for me now that I really think about it.  But all along I thought this journey was about my husband, and not me at all.  Then along came Zumba Fitness (my glorified second chance at being cheer captain and doing it well).  The journey the last two years has been filled with ups and downs.  It still is.  One day I have 30 people consistently, obligations take hold of every one's life and I have 12 students for weeks on end during the summer months.  But through it all, I haven't lost site of what this is about.  It's about sharing my talents and openness of heart to help people begin and maintain a weight loss and fitness journey.  It's about them, not me.  I want to be a fitness professional, a personal trainer, a group fitness instructor, a weight loss coach, a support system on many different levels - whatever title you want to put to it, I want to be it. 

And I'm going to do it, too.  Watch me.