Okay, so maybe it's time to grow up.

The past two weekends have been rather nice without the effects of the boozing I like to do on Friday or Saturday evenings. Don't get me wrong, I am not piss drunk and crazy. I like a nice evening out with friends, the hubby, or at home with some adult beverages. It just takes the sting out of the week. But the world seems a lot clearer without a hangover or the hankering for a drink to make me feel better. So maybe I'm growing up.

Other things could be contributing to this newly found inner peace. I dropped a Zumba class that was draining both my gas fund and my energy on Fridays. That was the best thing I've done in ages. Normally, I would suffer through something that was unpleasant until I cracked at the seems and broke a bridge or two. Is this another sign I'm growing up? WTF!!! I combined my ZumbAtomic (kids classes) groups also. Now we have just one class for 4-12 years of age and family members. Last Saturday was great, a nice mix of adults and kids dancing and having fun. I can see that growing with time and a little TLC. I'm excited about it again. I wasn't before.

I started a running group to help other people train for our local 5k in May. We had our first run together yesterday. It is nice to have a group of ladies support each other in this fitness world. It's not easy doing it alone. I am helping another girl on Monday nights as well. I want as much diversity as I can get these days, and if that means helping others without getting paid, that is okay because I think of it as 1.) good karma, and 2.) different workouts for myself, and 3.) more training and experience helping people with their fitness. So win, win all around and sometimes you just do things to help people because it's the right thing to do.

My husband purchased a new bike for my birthday present last month. I love it so much I'm not even upset that I got a flat the first time I took her out for a spin. I really enjoy it so much more than I thought I would. I'm starting another group for women who bike.

Why the hell not? I'm just trying to fill my life with good and then maybe I won't have time to get depressed.

Speaking of depressed. Last week was hard in terms of my mother. The more I talk to my aunt, the harder it is. She would love for us all to feel the stress and hurt she's going through as much as possible. She loves patting herself on the back and giving herself recognition. I tell her thank you all the time but I think she'd rather I take a full page add in USA Today or some fucking thing. I usually find myself crying throughout the day after I've talked to her. The guilt trips she takes you on are what's most difficult to deal with. I try to put it in terms of how MY mother would feel. The woman that I know and kept close with through my entire life would not want me to leave my husband and three young kids to rush to her side and watch her die. I need to keep that in my mind and nothing else. It's about her, not Diane. Mother's life is ending, not Diane's, although you would think it was both. She complains constantly about all she's sacrificed. Sacrifice....she knows little about. Sacrifice is putting everyone before yourself and not asking for anything in return. My mother is the one who sacrificed her whole life for others. Diane just wants us all to be at her mercy and control. She has written mom's obituary and won't even let me look at it. She has complete power of attorney over mom and won't let any of us have an opinion about it. It's all bullshit. Control freak.

Alright. I'll stop bitching now.



I miss my mom all the time. All the time.