I'm not really so full of myself.

If I don't constantly remind myself that I'm a good person and deserving of good things in life I will be too busy convincing myself that everyone hates me and that I am as awful on the inside as I am ugly on the outside. It's uncomfortable to read that last post of affirmation. I take every little negative aspect of life personally and that day I was convincing myself that despite the lack of love some have for me, others are motivated and inspired by the person that I am.

I've lost a couple of friends this year. One friend was someone that I thought would be a friend forever. Our connection was a smash hit right from the very first encounter. The other was an old friend who really wasn't a friend at all. The relationship was keeping me stuck in the mud, a dead weight and a major distraction in my life so I closed that door myself, but the other door was shut in my face abruptly and nailed shut.

Ouch.

I know that leaving one relationship by the wayside was by far the best thing I've done for myself in a long time and since then, I have had more focus and happiness than I have had in YEARS! The other unfriending I saw coming a mile away but I'm still hurt by it. What have I done that could be so awful to warrant such a dumping. What was so deplorable that it couldn't have been talked through. But I guess that was the major difference between her and myself. I am capable of seeing human failings for just that, human failings. I make dumb choices all the time and even though I mean well, I don't always treat people exactly as they deserve in a moment of stress or anxiety and end up apologizing on a regular basis. But I'm getting better and trying harder than ever. I guess maybe that is why I'm such a tolerate person and will often sit silently through blatant disrespect before I will speak up for myself and say what is on my heart. I need to be liked that badly I guess.

Anyway, I am a tolerant woman and when I love you, I love you and there isn't much you could do that would make me want to nail our friendship to a cross. But that's just me.