And just like that.

She left us.

Mom left us this morning.

It felt like she was going to hold on forever, like she felt as if she had unfinished business, or she was afraid, after living all these years on this earth, to take the next step into her new journey. And then just like that her beating heart stopped and she flew away.

I don't know how to describe loving a mother who isn't your mother. But she's your grandmother so her blood is really not all that removed from my own. She's my mother's mother, it feels more connected, like the bond is stronger than if it had been my father's mother. Maybe because my father died when I was little and never knew what it meant to have one. But maybe it isn't all that difficult to describe. Maybe she was just my mother and I was her daughter and it didn't matter that she didn't directly give me life because at the end of the day, I was here because of her.

I have missed her for a long time, and now I will miss her even more. When I want to call and just hear how she is from my aunt, or to have a two minute conversation that leave me feeling sad, there won't be anyone to check on. Instead I'll just feel empty, maybe not forever, but I will for a long time. I want to have my mother here with me like it used to be so bad. I want to share my life with her and to talk about my kids and laugh about the funny things they say with her. I haven't been able to do that in a long time. I miss that the most. Just having her to chat with to pass a lazy afternoon. I miss you so much Mom. So much.

RIP Verna A. Bird. April 15th will be always be your day now. Until we meet again.