Growth spurt?!

It has to be. Either that or I'm the ultimate human pacifier.

I may have a little problem scheduling her, or should I say, a problem with HER schedule. There is no such thing as scheduling a breast fed baby just yet. Or if there is, no one is sharing the secret.

I'm tired. As I should be with a 4 week old baby. Sometimes, when I am alone inside of my head, I am wondering what the HELL I did to myself. A few hours later I look down at my peaceful, sleeping babe and it is all perfectly clear what my plans were when we kinda tried to get pregnant.

Lately she has been doing a nightly awake period from 9 to 12:30 with a constant need to nurse. She also does this from 2:30 - 6:00 pm. There is no point in putting her down when she falls asleep because a few minutes later she will wake up and frantically search for her soft place. That being me and my bare chest full of warm, yummy milky milk, which I have lots of, but after three hours of near constant nursing I barely have anything left to give and she gets frustrated at having to work so hard for few drops of good stuff. Hopefully my supply catches up with her hunger soon. Just when you think you've got it all figured out and your supply is actually doable and the engorgement phase has dwindled they throw a curve ball at you.

Any mother who has nursed their child has gone through all these frustrations, knowing this is what keeps me going, but I have to admit at midnight there may be thoughts of formula racing through my head. I don't do it because I've set a goal for myself and I don't want to give up (at least three months; a little is better than none). I don't want to mess with my milk supply by supplementing during these trying times and most importantly, and I want my daughter to get the very best.

I know bottle fed babies thrive and turn out to be beautiful, smart, healthy strong children. S was a bottle fed baby and is healthy and strong as any breast fed child. Even healthier than some. I always felt as though I missed out by not nursing her and hope for better with this little one.

Anyway, that is the struggle as of late. I'm tired and she's hungry. We're doing the best we can I guess and this too shall pass. Eventually things will be different and I'll long for the days when she needed me the most. :-(