Random, I know...

But why is it so hard for me to find a place where I can be happy with me. I love and appreciate so many parts to my life. Why do I always feel like I'm not good enough to have all this? Why do I still feel so damn unworthy? Like at any moment it could all come falling down around me and there's nothing I could do to stop it because really...isn't it just too good to be true. For someone like me, I mean. It's painful to speak the truth of what I feel inside. Even if I know that it's not what others perceive to be true about me. A lot of people love me because they see the good but all I ever see is the bad.

It's overwhelming sometimes and it's hard to dig myself out. I'm trying but today seems hard.

PS - side note completely contrary to all the above. i ran my first 5k the other day. i got 3rd place in my age group with a finish time of 25:24. that's probably my best time ever doing any type of non-treadmill running. i was proud of myself for that.