Getting by...

About six weeks have passed since Mom passed away.  Some of those weeks it was all consuming, but in a functional, go about my business sort of way.  Instead of crying, my body hurt and I thought about her all the time and didn't deal well with stress in general.  But I'm getting better and better.  So much better and so much faster than I always anticipated I would be when I lost her.

How strange to go through your life and mostly always have that worry or knowing your mother will leave you far too young into your own life.  And I'm much older than I thought I would be when she passed away but I'm still too young to lose that voice of reason, that soft blanket of comfort; the person who loves you no matter what you say or do.   

I suppose she's watching over me now, witnessing my life in snippets she never had before.  The person I am when no one is watching.  I hope that even though I'm not perfect, I'd still make her proud to say that she raised me.  I try really hard, not to be better than where I came from, but just to be the woman she hoped I would be.

And I'm working like crazy, and when I'm not working, I should be.  I've taken trainings to up my Zumba skills as an instructor and got my license to teach Zumba Toning, which I am hoping will flourish with hard work and time.  It's not going to be easy to add another specialty from scratch, but if I baby it and give it the attention it deserves, and to be honest, focus a little harder, I'll be just fine.  My students will love it if they get the toning results that I can give them if I do it right. 

We got to see Niagara Falls, my family and I, during one of the trips I had to take for training.  We went over to the Canadian side and I'm glad we did because WHAT A VIEW THAT WAS!!  So pretty, so surreal.  And a little fucked up how trashy the American side was compared to the lovely scenery the Canadian side had.  We played tourist and rode the Maid of the Mist, complete with blue rain coats, even tiny ones for kids.  So cute!!  It was a blast. 

I also had a visit with my sister from Maine and my birth Mom, Dee, last weekend.  We had a good time, just a nice long four day visit with shopping and flower planting, a little boozing, along with some gambling the slots.  It was a good vacation for us all.  Three weeks before I make the trip to Maine to bury mother.  I'm not looking forward to the good bye but I'm happy that I'll get to be there doing it with my family. 

So there is my check in.  I hope you're happy.